Don't You Dare Take Me Back: A New Mom's Reflections on Her Pre-Baby Days by Christy VanBibber

I could say "take me back" because I see an old photo of myself and see the sunshine and the beach and my pre-baby body. But to take me back, you have to take away the parts of me that I didn't know I was missing, the parts of me that make me complete.

• To take me back, you take back nine grueling months of pregnancy, but you leave me without my sweetest firstborn.

• To take me back, you take away my stretch marks and a body I hardly recognize, but you leave me without the memories of the butterflies that I felt every time he kicked in my belly.

• To take me back, you take away the unrelenting emotional roller coaster I rode, but you leave me without the growth and strength that was discovered between my husband and me. 

• To take me back, you take away lonely nights at home, while all my friends are out, but you leave me without my morning cuddles with the best tiny human in the world.

• To take me back, you leave me with the ability to have a moment to think about myself, but you leave me without the constant thoughts of what beautiful, and bold, marks my sweet boy will leave on this world.

• To take me back, you leave me the possibility of spontaneous adventure, but you take away planned explorations that will give us our most cherished family memories.

There was once a time that I was solely me; I was deliciously selfish with how I chose to spend my time. And now, even when it seems like I'm giving all of me over to others, I'm learning that this is who I was always meant to be. 

I am a Mama and a wife – and I am still me.

Don't you dare take me back.

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