It's OK If You Don't Love Your Baby Right Away: Here's My Postpartum Story... by Heather Holter
After a difficult birth with my first child, I did not feel joy or love, just exhaustion, regret and resentment. I blamed the baby for this awful experience and just wanted him away from me so I could sleep. I wondered what I had done to my life. These feelings were confusing and unexpected.
He was planned and loved throughout the pregnancy. I felt so guilty, but no matter how hard I tried I could not bring myself to love him.
For the first week, I picked him up only to feed, change and comfort him, but really felt nothing while I did so. Once I started feeling better and realized I would recover I started to like him a little, but still had scary thoughts about tossing him out a window or into the fish tank and walking away. I knew I would never do it, but I did think it.
Once feeding became easier and he would actually breastfeed without much trouble, I began to see how someone could love a baby, but I wasn't there yet.
Then, by 2 weeks old, we had a little routine down and he was the absolute love of my life!!! It was the most unbelievable indescribable feeling! I cried with joy! I could not believe how quickly this change took place. It was so amazing! I have loved him more every day since (16 years and four additional kids later).
So, mamas, do not worry if you don't feel an immediate bond and love for your baby. It will come!
Read more of my postpartum story.
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