How to Stay Calm When Talking Politics With Nancy Dafoe! by Nicole DeAvilla

In these heated political times knowing how to stay calm, cool and collected during a potentially heated exchange is a gift. We were thrilled to have our very own Nancy Dafoe help us to navigate this tricky landscape. Nancy, author of six books including "An Iceberg in Paradise," "The Misdirection of Education Policy: Raising Questions About School Reform," "Breaking Open the Box" and "Writing Creatively," and a political blogger, knows what it is like to be in the hot seat. Read on for her tips on keeping the peace when talking politics!

Q: What do you do when you’re in the middle of a conversation and sharply opposing political views come up?

I try to remind myself that everyone’s views and opinions are dear to him or her and vow to listen first. I also try not to interrupt because I know it hurts when someone talks over me or someone. I make a point to learn one new thing about the person’s ideas or views during our conversation. When asked, I offer my views and express them in positive, dynamic terms, not in opposition.

#30seconds A1 Oh yes, great question because been finding this so much lately, after this election.Don't like confrontations like this

— lorri langmaid (@lorri1956) July 13, 2017

I've tried to talk politics, it seems that some only want their views heard but not listen to yours #30seconds

— Andrea Hinckley (@andrea_hinckley) July 13, 2017

Q: What do you do when someone responds with insults or crudities to your views or your political blog?

Never easy, but I try never to respond in kind to insults. I ask the person why he or she framed the question that way. I may ask, “What specifically upsets you about this position?" Specific details and unemotional responses catch people off guard. I try to be clear in expressing my views and may calmly ask for further clarity from the other person. I may let the person know that the comment was hurtful but not retaliate.

I know. We often get caught up in whose right and whose wrong#@30seconds

— momsoftweensandteens (@sheryl_gould) July 13, 2017

Q: What are some tips for staying calm and collected during a heated exchange?

We think more rationally when calm, so I remind myself to give my brain its best opportunity to define the position clearly. The hardest thing to do but perhaps the best is to not take it personally when someone is angry about a position I hold. A slight smile often disarms angry people, so I might smile and nod my head, agreeing with his or her right to hold a position. I picture someone I love, someone from my family or dear friend who also holds opposing political views.

A3: im think im pretty cool and collective during heat moments. But I love any types to improve myself #30seconds

— Jessi T. (@idatchica87) July 13, 2017

Very helpful! I know my "passion" can sometimes get me in trouble! :) #30seconds

— AnnMarie G. Halstead (@AMGHalstead) July 13, 2017

Q: How do you come up with topics for your political blog?

I read all the time, so I often create blog posts around my responses to another writer or news. Sometimes a post leads to interesting comments from my readers that results in a new post by me. Often, my posts come out of research I am doing for another essay or article, and I discover a new topic thread. Conversations with friends and acquaintances may lead to a new blog posting, either to clarify misconceptions or define a position.

Maybe someone tonight will be inspired to write a new 30seconds post based on our conversation. #30seconds

— Nancy Dafoe (@dafoenad) July 13, 2017

a3: everyone's personal situation is different so policies don't affect all families the same. Have compassion #30seconds

— Holly @Tweenspot (@tweenspot) July 13, 2017

Q: Why do people get so heated or angry over politics?

Our political positions typically evolve from our ideas about family, religion, community, culture – what we hold most closely. Too often, however, angry exchanges are the result of miscommunication or misinformation. There is often a personal story behind an angry person’s stance on an issue. Angry responses may also result from a person feeling belittled or made to feel inadequate in some manner.

A5. Great question would love to hear your take on it! I just try to avoid the conversation all together if possible lol #30seconds

— Amber Cheras (@shadow62310) July 13, 2017

Q: Do you have any suggested readings on the subject?

• George Lakoff’s book, "Don’t Think of an Elephant! Know Your Values and Frame the Debate," is a good place to start. I like his book because he suggests you can be passionate and true to your values by how you frame the discussion positively.
• I also recommend everyone read a book from an opposing perspective in order to understand how the argument is constructed.
• An intriguing event, “Anger in Politics: From the Bard to the Donald,” was held at UC Santa Cruz. It is still available online.
• CBS had a special on anger in America that was fascinating. PBS has also had specials on this topic.

My family used to sit around the dining room table and talk politics when I was a child. Grew up with it. #30seconds

— Nancy Dafoe (@dafoenad) July 13, 2017

Love that vision -being true to values/identifying what they are! Good dinner conversation!#30Seconds

— momsoftweensandteens (@sheryl_gould) July 13, 2017

Q: Any last advice for these trying times of political strife?

Remember that we are all flawed creatures and bound to make mistakes and enter into poor decisions at times. It is much easier to give advice than to carry it out. There are a multitude of reasons people get angry, and some of them have nothing to do with the matter at hand. Try to remove the personal from the argument and see what you have left. Good luck!

Thank you, everyone. What an awesome community! #30seconds

— Nancy Dafoe (@dafoenad) July 13, 2017

Be sure to follow @dafoenad, visit NancyDafoeBooks.com, like her on Facebook, visit and check out her 30Seconds page!