How to Find Your “Happy” With Kristy Dominiak! by Donna John

Looks can be deceiving! From the outside, many folks seem to have the perfect life, but often people are going through private struggles that we know nothing about. At this week's #30SecondMom Twitter chat, Kristy Dominiak, 30Second Mom contributor, author of "The Shaken Snow Globe: Finding Happiness Beyond My White Picket Fence" and president of Bliss Spiritual Co-op, a nonprofit retreat house in Charleston, S.C., talked all about finding your "happy!" 

Q: Why did you decide to write such an honest memoir about finding happiness and how has life changed since writing?

I shared my innermost tribulations with the hopes that others would find the same peace and joy that’s graced my life. “ Is this all there is?” is a common question. I found my answer in unlikely ways and shared so others can realize the impossible. People don’t need to live with shame or disenchantment. I hope to shed light that life can be different than it appears.

Maybe my candid words in “The Shaken Snow Globe” could help others see hope in the hopeless. My happiness no longer comes from what others think I am (external labels), but from who I am on the inside. Amazing women have come out of the shadows to discuss their lives with me and I am humbled by their courage and kindness. I’m discovering that everything dreamed can come true, just not on a path always seen, understood or deserved.

Loved reading your book @KristyDominiak! #30SecondMom pic.twitter.com/N3lk5ym9fh

— Jan Mostrom (@j_mostrom) September 1, 2016

Q: How do you find true happiness?

• Be willing to risk being uncomfortable in your search for happiness. Let your fears go and explore your unique self.
• Don’t settle. Believe you are worthy of your dreams, even if no logical path to fulfillment.
• Look within yourself. True happiness can’t be defined by people, places or things. Discover it by finding your true self.
• Be real with yourself. Happiness is your choice. Nobody can make you truly happy but YOU.
• Seek your authentic self, discover your unique purpose and let go of the need for external validation. Be YOU and shine!
• Don’t fear the unknown in life, embrace life and live happy and free moment to moment.

@CYJones30 #30secondmom part of issue is to sit with no distractions & listen. Dreams come in whispers

— Kristy Dominiak (@KristyDominiak) September 1, 2016

Q: How do you discover your true self and embrace lasting happiness?

• Acknowledge the “good, bad and ugly” of your life, but don’t be defined by one more than the others.
• Be fearless to uncover your blind spots. Pay attention to how you react to others. It’s a mirror to seeing your true self.
• Realize you don’t have to be perfect, just perfectly humble. True happiness is found in humility.
• Accept that no human is perfect and that includes YOU. Show yourself compassion and find joy in being perfectly imperfect.
• When you stop excluding the parts of yourself you don’t like you have found your true self.
• Learn to love imperfections in your true self and you can love the imperfections in others, including spouse and kids.

#momsLife @MsMin #30secondmom true - Took me years to learn to say, #NO! #overFiftyandFit https://t.co/tvgkAwVDv0

— Chefgigi (@chefgigi) September 1, 2016

Q: How do you persevere in dark times and heal past wounds that interfere with your happiness?

• Be patient. Suffering eventually passes; remember storms are followed by rainbows. Miracles happen every day; why not YOU?
• Acknowledge pain, but don’t let the “ick” stick. Don’t blame yourself for the actions or inactions of others.
• Say your pain aloud and recognize the tension held in your body. Sometimes bodies hold trauma even if the mind forgets.
• Let go of desire for a solution and fill wounds with grace, love and mercy. Believe happiness can emerge despite pain.
• Forgive yourself. You can’t control others and you aren’t defined by your mistakes – it’s what you do after that counts.
• Transform your pain or you will transfer it to someone else. Do not fear seeking help and be patient with the process.

@KristyDominiak Your mind never forgets. Pain changes you. Up to u to fight for yourself and love yourself. #30SecondMom

— Mindy Sharp (@MsMin) September 1, 2016

Q: How do you stay happy in long-term relationships?

• Get your “happy on” by loving people where they are, not where you want them to be. Focus on changing your perception.
• Be willing to be vulnerable and open without need for external validation. Remember human perfection is impossible.
• Love yourself and others “as is.” When you’re happy with who you are, there’s no need to judge others.
• People are imperfect and will disappoint you, but it’s your choice to show mercy and be happy or let them go.
• Be fearless. Relationships are sabotaged by the fears of losing what you have or gaining what you want.
• Realize a long-term fairytale isn’t where the prince saves you from yourself but loves you as yourself, faults and all.

Taking responsibility for our own decisions….so important to know and learn! #30SecondMom https://t.co/NPt92Mb7it

— Jan Mostrom (@j_mostrom) September 1, 2016

Q: How do you teach happiness to your kids?

• Live fiercely authentic and be the example. You can’t always be what people want you to be; you just have to be yourself.
• Honesty really is the best policy. Teach your kids to embrace their true selves, faults and all.
• Listen to your kids’ dreams. Believe in those dreams even if you can’t see a logical path. They have a unique purpose.
• Let your kids fail. True happiness is found in the ability to ride the unpredictable waves of life.
• Be true to who you are, not who people think you are. Happiness comes from within; external elements change.
• Plan for dreams, but be flexible with life’s detours. Be happy experiencing the unpredictable journey of life.
• Own the “good, bad and ugly” of you. No human is perfect; show mercy on yourself and others. This is key to true happiness.

@j_mostrom @KristyDominiak Too many college kids have no resilience and get depressed bc parents made life too easy. #30SecondMom

— Mindy Sharp (@MsMin) September 1, 2016

Wow, that was amazing! Such beautiful insights by Kristy Dominiak! Be sure to follow  @KristyDominak, visit her site, ShakenSnowGlobe.com, like her on Facebook and visit her 30SecondMom page!

@30secondmom Loved this #30SecondMom Chat!

— Stephanie C. Bellew (@bellewsc) September 1, 2016

We are already trending, @KristyDominiak! Way to go, chica! #30SecondMom pic.twitter.com/EUDEdc60Pm

— 30Second Mom (@30secondmom) September 1, 2016