The Ebbs & Flows of Depression: My Own Personal Struggles With Mental Health by Jessica Lawrence

After I had my daughter, I can remember going to the OB/GYN. There, they gave me a test. Unsure what it was for, I soon realized it was to evaluate your mental well-being. Needless to say, I quickly was put on a small dosage of Zoloft and told I suffered from postpartum depression.

The Zoloft appeared to help. I was calmer. I had a bit more drive. And more importantly, I was no longer convinced Child Protective Services was going to arrive and take my daughter away.

Looking back, I've always struggled with depression. After a particularly rough time in high school, I had a therapist – but I'm sure I could have used some form of antidepressant to assist me as well. Once my marriage ended, I tried another antidepressant and slowly stopped taking them.

Last week, the wave of depression started again. While running, I found myself thinking, "If I fell through the ice, wouldn't everyone just be happier without me?" My ex-husband would have full custody of our daughter, my parents wouldn't have to worry about my financial stressors, the men I have interest in would certainly find someone better.

But my daughter? She wouldn't be OK.

Back on medicine I go.

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