When Parents Put Too Much Stress on Their Kids: Why Sometimes Less Parenting Is More by Dawn Taylor

Sometimes I feel like a terrible parent. I have four kids and I love them all dearly. My two daughters are still at home, making their way through high school the best way they can. And sometimes I don’t help. Let me explain...

I do my best, I really try, but today I feel like an awful human and luckily I can identify what I’m doing wrong. Hopefully it’s not too late.

My daughters are as smart as can be, do well in school (both top of their classes) and participate in many school clubs and activities. They manage a lot. And they are killing it. Of course, I support them and I hope I have something to do with their drive to do well. But some days I fail. Today I said things that spun my daughter into an anxiety attack and I couldn’t take it back.

I was upset because I felt she didn’t work as hard on an assignment as I thought she could have. She had been helping a friend with his homework and I felt she neglected to put all of her effort into her own work. She took it as the assignment sucked and she was a failure.

Not too long ago when she was forgetful I had told her she was “slacking.” This has stuck with her and the truth is the only one slacking is me. I’m sure both my daughters feel pressure from me, even if my intentions are good.

I need to stop focusing on every little thing as being so potentially damaging to their futures. That’s me projecting my own feelings of failure (my own) and it’s not OK.

I intend to do better. I intend to offer guidance when they need me. I intend to let them decide if their assignments need tweaking. Of course, if they ask me to look over things, I will but I’ll offer gentle suggestions and remember they are learning and improving.

They are both brilliant writers and students, and my expectations are too high. They’ve got this. I am adding to their anxiety.

I need to take a small step back and be present, but not overbearing. I need to watch what I say because what might seem small to me could be huge to them. High school is so much more than academics. I need to be wary of sticking my nose in when it’s not warranted.

To my beautiful daughters, I’m sorry.

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