"Is It OK to Travel Without the Kids?" Lose the Guilt. Your Relationship Needs Attention! by Carrie Watts

Most moms know two things:

1. Our babies come first.
2. Guilt follows every decision.

These two truths create challenges, especially in our relationships with our partners. The arrival of tiny, fragile bundles means our focus, by necessity, shifts with intensity to our children.

While only natural, the resulting loss of intimacy can have long-term ramifications. I know from experience: my husband and I went through it after the birth of our first son. Postnatal depression, trouble with breastfeeding, the insecurities of being a first-time mother, all led me to isolate myself. I thought things would eventually return to “normal,” but they didn’t.

When our son was 2 1/2 years old, my husband asked me to go to Tenerife with him. I agreed, but I didn’t want to go – my guilt at leaving my baby was overwhelming. I was sullen and withdrawn the whole way. Until we got there. Once we were alone, in the warmth, with time to talk and eat a meal without interruption, we found each other again.

I am so glad that I made the time to be a couple and do the work of redefining what that meant post-baby. It was a turning point in our relationship. And all that guilt I’d felt? It eased after three days of naps.

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