Help Kids Manage Their Emotions With Parent Coach Mercedes Samudio! by Christine Jones

Wish your kids came with a parenting manual? Wondering how your adorable little bundle of joy has become a big frustrating ball of emotions? Have you heard about the need for parents to develop their child's EQ, but not sure exactly what that is? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you'll want to read on! Parent coach and 30Seconds contributor Mercedes Samudio joined us at this week's #30Seconds Twitter chat, and answered these questions and more!

Q: What does it mean to have emotional literacy?

Emotional literary is the awareness and use of emotions to express yourself and your needs. Often shorted to EQ, emotional literary helps us get our needs met without fights and tons of conflict. Everyone in your family can benefit from developing their EQ, just like when we develop our IQ! Emotional literacy can also be used to find solutions to common conflicts in our family.

@30seconds @ParentSkillz A1: I'm not really sure. To understand emotions well? #30Seconds

— Amanda (@aeott26) January 12, 2017

@ParentSkillz @30seconds Yes, this is what our family needs to improve. #30seconds

— Kim Kusiciel (@barefoot79) January 12, 2017

Q: How do you help your children develop their EQ?

• A feelings vocabulary is the most effective way to begin developing EQ. With this vocabulary you learn to express yourself in a variety of ways that go beyond sad or happy.
• Modeling is another way to build EQ. Share how you feel about your day so they can see that emotions happen all time. Be aware of the value you place on emotions. When we label expressing emotions as sensitive or weak, our kids begin to hide their emotions. When we hide our emotions for fear of ridicule, they manifest in other ways, like unwanted behaviors.

@30seconds @ParentSkillz I coach my kids & hubby all the time. We break down scenarios & talk it out from all the perspectives. #30Seconds

— Kim Kusiciel (@barefoot79) January 12, 2017

@30seconds @ParentSkillz A2 lead by example. Be compassionate toward others #30seconds

— Julie (@JVine1986) January 12, 2017

Q: What can I do with my child’s intense emotions?

• Give your child a space to share these emotions freely – without punishment. For example, make an “Our Emotions” space in the house where they can go to just feel, no questions asked. 
• Or, have family meetings where everyone has space to talk and share in a non-judgmental environment.
• Also, try to get to the bottom of the emotion without demonizing the emotion. Instead of, “You’re crying over that again,” you can say, “I see your tears. Are you feeling sad?” The concept is you are giving space for the intense emotion so your kid doesn’t have to act out to be heard. The idea is that when we have a space to express our emotions they don’t spill into our behaviors as much.

@ParentSkillz @30seconds oh thats a great idea w do need to start regular family meetings😍 #30Seconds

— jennah jackson (@cam_brandosmomm) January 12, 2017

@Anastasia_Fall @30seconds @ParentSkillz Encourage them to recognize and name the emotion they are feeling...beyond being angry. #30seconds

— Kelli Schulte (@IcoachEQ) January 12, 2017

Q: How do I manage my intense emotions?

Be authentic and use your feelings vocabulary. It’s OK for parents to feel, too. If you’re disappointed, you can say that. For example, if you normally yell to show emotion, try sharing the emotion behind your yelling. Say, “I’m feeling frustrated that I have to ask you to clean your dinner dishes on your night to do the dishes.” It might feel silly, but it models an alternative way to express your emotions that your children can follow.

@30seconds @ParentSkillz A4 I try to give myself a few minutes to collect myself. Sometimes I just take a few deep breathes #30Seconds

— Amanda (@aeott26) January 12, 2017

Deep breathing is always a good idea. @aeott26 @30seconds @ParentSkillz #30Seconds

— Nicole DeAvilla (@NicoleDeAvilla) January 12, 2017

Q: How do you know the difference between feelings and behavior?

A good rule of thumb to use: Behaviors are used to get our needs met. And feelings are a response to our attempts to get our needs met. When we are heard we display positive behavior, and the flip occurs when we are not heard. When we use our emotions to express ourselves it’s usually so that someone can help us meet a need. That doesn’t mean that we be permissive in teaching our children. It means that we give our children tools to express emotions and be seen without so much conflict.

A5: feelings are internal. Behavior is something you do. :) @30seconds @ParentSkillz #30Seconds #parenting

— Anastasia_Fall (@Anastasia_Fall) January 12, 2017

@30seconds @ParentSkillz a5. Feeling is more in the moment and a behavior is something repeated over #30Seconds

— 🎀Jessi🎀 (@idatchica87) January 12, 2017

Q: What are some resources for helping me and my child develop our EQ?

• Get a feelings chart – there are a ton online to print and/or buy pre-made ones.
• The movie “Inside Out” is perfect for older kids and tweens.
• For smaller kids, children’s books about feelings.
• Feelings cards are also a great tool that you can use for all ages.
• For an art project you can even make Empathy Books. (Learn how to here!) 

@30seconds A6 I think role play helps kid understand EQ #30seconds @ParentSkillz @30seconds

— Mei (@MarcieMom) January 12, 2017

@ParentSkillz @30seconds Thank YOU so much for all these great tips & links! we will sure be using them #30Seconds Great Chat/ Amazing Hosts

— sherry bracy (@sherrybracy) January 12, 2017

What great ideas! Be sure to follow  @ParentSkillz, like her on Facebook, visit TheParentingSkill.com and check out her 30Seconds page!