How Kindness Can Change Everything With Psychologist Lynne Kenney! by Christine Jones

We have many hopes for our children. We hope they will live with passion, learn with enthusiasm and develop healthy social relationships. We teach our children values, manners and how to behave. Yet, in real life, it's not always rosy. When kids get intense, break the rules or don't live up to our expectations what do we bring them back to? The research tells us to bring them back to kindness. 30Seconds contributor and Harvard-trained psychologist Lynne Kenney joined us this week to talk about kindness. We'll kindly share her wisdom with you!

Q. Why do we talk about kindness with our kids?

• We talk about kindness, because our children learn how to behave from us.
• We talk about kindness, because our children need to know what we value as a family.
• We talk about kindness, because our kids need a True North, the place they aim for when they need guidance.
• We talk about kindness, because we want our children to know we are kind, empathic and caring with others.

@30secondmom @DrLynneKenney#30secondmom #Kindness What a better World this be if we just learned to treat each other kindly.

— lorri langmaid (@lorri1956) October 6, 2016

@rychepet Yea, it's where all your thoughts and actions lead you. #30secondmom

— Dr. Lynne Kenney (@DrLynneKenney) October 6, 2016

Q: Instead of simply expecting our kids to be kind, HOW do we teach kindness?

• Talk with your children about what kindness is, what does kindness mean to them?
• Talk with your children about what kindness looks like when they see it.
• Talk with your children about what kindness sounds like when they hear it.
• Talk with your children about how kindness feels.
• Talk with your children about a time when someone was kind to them, make it personal and relatable.

@DrLynneKenney seems like to be kind, u have to really understand how thoughts, feelings, & actions impact others. #30SecondMom

— Kelli Schulte (@IcoachEQ) October 6, 2016

Q: What does it mean to be kind and why is it so important?

• Kindness and empathy are at the root of healthy social behavior. When people are kind they behave better.
• Children are looking for connectedness, kindness helps them feel safer and more secure.
• Coping with social challenges is more effective when you do it kindly.
• Research shows that social-emotional skills are what lead to the most academic and financial success in adulthood.

You wouldnt think kindness is tied to income and college success but it is! #30secondmom

— Dr. Lynne Kenney (@DrLynneKenney) October 6, 2016

Q: How can kindness improve your family relationships?

• When you create a culture of kindness, your children know what to expect, how to behave.
• Focusing on how to use kind words, thoughts plus actions, guides you to be respectful together.
• Kindness is a healthy foundation for your family, it brings everyone closer.
• Kindness is like a safety button, the new EASY button. Not sure what to say or do? Just be kind.

With a culture of #kindness u can move away from punishment cause the family goal is clear #30secondmom

— Dr. Lynne Kenney (@DrLynneKenney) October 6, 2016

. @30secondmom i thank my kids everyday 4 something. in turn, they thank me & each other daily too. it was/is a heaert warmer ! #30secondmom

— Holly @Tweenspot (@tweenspot) October 6, 2016

Q: What are the likely outcomes of bringing kind words, thoughts and actions front of mind?

• A family that is more peaceful and calm.
• Children who fight less because the culture and expectations are clear and fair.
• Children who remind one another, “Hey, we agreed to be kind.”
• Parents who work toward one common goal: kindness.

@DrLynneKenney You never know what kind of impact you have when you do RANDOM acts of KINDNESS :) could make someone's day #30SecondMom

— Toni B (@rychepet) October 6, 2016

Q: How are kindness and empathy different?

Empathy is standing in another person’s shoes, being in the feelings with them. Kindness is an expression of caring in words, thoughts or actions. Both skills are super important, they complement each other.I love to teach children about the FAB 4 – humility, respect, empathy and kindness.

@DrLynneKenney Yes, I think so.....if you're concerned about being kind, you'll also know when people are having a bad day, etc #30secondmom

— Toni B (@rychepet) October 6, 2016

Q: Where does self-compassion come in?

We think of kindness toward others, yet we also teach children to be kind to themselves. We call kindness toward self – self-compassion. Self-compassion is honoring yourself, being true to yourself and being supportive, not self-critical. Many of us think negatively about ourselves, we shift that mindset, toward caring for self. We make the shift toward self-compassion by teaching children to see their strengths with honor yet humility.

Self-compassion is honoring yourself, being true to yourself and being supportive not self-critical #30secondmom

— Dr. Lynne Kenney (@DrLynneKenney) October 6, 2016

Q: In your work, you teach social-emotional plus cognitive skills. How are they related?

To be a prosocial human being you need both good cognitive and emotional skills. When you teach children new ways to think, speak and act, they are empowered to learn and behave better. How we feel, what we think and how we “are” in the world can be less of a mystery when we teach social skills. Having good social-emotional plus thinking skills reduces stress and increases competence, leading to better outcomes for kids

@tweenspot @rychepet @30secondmom See it all the time, we need to be ambassadors of #SEL and #kindness skills #30secondmom

— Dr. Lynne Kenney (@DrLynneKenney) October 6, 2016

Be sure to follow @drlynnekenney, like her on Facebook, visit LynneKenney.com and visit her 30Seconds page!