Want a Happy Marriage? Raise Your Good Cholesterol! Let Me Explain... by hollybrownMFT

Relationships
3 months ago
Want a Happy Marriage? Raise Your Good Cholesterol! Let Me Explain...

OK, so it's not literally about raising your good cholesterol. It's metaphorical cholesterol. I've got this theory, but let's start with John Gottman, noted marital researcher. He's described the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" when it comes to couples: 

  • criticism
  • contempt
  • defensiveness 
  • stonewalling

He's found that what's most likely to cause divorce is contempt. That's labeling your partner with a character defect that makes him or her inferior. Essentially, you're dehumanizing them. And once they're not human, why should you connect to their emotional pain? Sooner or later, one or both of you will be done. 

As I see it, the antidote is generosity of spirit. Believe the best about your partner. When you don't know his or her intent for sure, make positive assumptions. That's the good cholesterol of the relationship. Raise it.

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