#Romance Writer @ElleyWrites Shares #Sexy Strategies to Spice Up Your #Love Life! by Elisa A. Schmitz 30Seconds
Too often, women settle into a romance rut and live life without the passion they deserve. The 30Second Mom Twitter community was treated to concrete and honest tips by Elley Arden, author of the book Save My Soul. Elley has been infatuated with romance novels since the age of 16, and has fresh ideas on who today’s heroines are and how they have evolved. She will be releasing two additional novels this year for the publisher Crimson Romance, both of the contemporary romance genre. Check out her tips on spicing up your sex life!
Q: Does writing romance help or hurt the romance in your marriage?
A: It depends on the day. Seriously. If I’m writing something sad, then I’m sad, but if it’s sexy – look out! Writing believable characters means understanding human nature to a certain degree. I apply what I learn and observe. I do believe I’m a better woman and wife because of that concentration on loving, romantic relationships.
Q: Romance novels are filled with so much passion. How do women get it?
A: I like to think of passion as nothing more magical than an intense form of communication. Couples lose the ease of communication as time goes on. Comparing schedules doesn’t count. If you want big passion, start small. Talk. A lot. About everything. Look your partner in the eye. Listen. I bet you talked about everything when you were first dating: hopes, dreams, fears, politics, even sports. Over time and with kids, we get too tired to even talk. So again, start there. You can progress to little touches. A reassuring hand to the arm, a hug of thanks, a quick kiss goodbye. It really is about reconnecting. In some ways, after kids, you’re starting over.
Q: What if things are good, but women want more, or different, sex?
A: Ask for it. It seems simple, but anyone who has tried knows it’s not. Why? Because we fear rejection. When it comes to asking for what you want, don’t set yourself up for rejection. Don’t make it all or nothing. Example: “I’d like to put the kids to bed early tonight or tomorrow, if you catch my drift. Which night works best?”Q: How do couples work around kids? They often exhaust us. There doesn’t seem to be anything left at the end of the day.
A: I have three kids (ages 11 to 16), so I know the feeling. I’ve had to adjust my expectations each age and stage. First, stop comparing your relationship to other relationships. We all have different wants and needs. It’s OK to be OK with alone-time once a week. Do what works for you as a couple. All that talking (and touching) can be a nice buildup to the alone time you do manage to cultivate. Remember, life is constantly changing. This phase will be replaced by another.
Q: Women in romance novels are so beautiful and put together. Many of us want to feel sexy like that. Tips?
A: If you haven’t read a true romance novel in a while, you should! There are more and more realistic heroines. How do you feel sexy? Laugh more. Achieve more. A smile on a confident woman is lethal. Know when you’re at your best, and use that time to your advantage. Be bold when you feel good.
Q: What can women do if they don’t think their husband/partner finds them attractive anymore?
A: Chances are, you’re the one who thinks you’re not attractive anymore. So turn it back on you, your way of thinking. What do you like about yourself? List three things outside your partner and kids. When you’re doubting your attractiveness, dwell on those good things. Use them to fuel a good mood. Your opinion about you matters most. Once you have that straight, ask him what HE likes most about you.
Q: What do you think about people calling romance novels “mommy porn”?
A: That’s a loaded question. Honestly, I think it’s sensationalism, and it trivializes an entire genre of books. It does get women talking about sex – what they like and don’t like — so that’s a good thing. I write about people falling in love despite the constraints life puts upon them. It’s hardly porn.
Q: You’ve got to give us something juicy. Best sexy scene you’ve read or viewed (movies)?
A: I’d say the love scenes in “Anna Karenina” (2012). Not very explicit, but extremely sensual. There is also a tabletop scene from “The Tudors” (not sure season) with Henry Cavill that is burned into my brain! As for what I’ve read, I’m going to leave you with something from my book in the hopes you’ll read it: He … smirked and traced a finger along her collar bone. “There are other things we should be doing with our mouths.”