Even Casual Relationships Can Be Meaningful: What I Learned From My Last Romantic Relationship by Dawn Taylor

I’m not even sure if I should call my last relationship a relationship. Friends with benefits? A regular hookup? Regardless, it was pretty consistent for a two-year stretch, on and off, and it was amazing. 

He was a much younger man, and pretty ordinary, actually. But after a while I fell pretty hard, even though I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. Even if everything had been perfect (timing, ideal geography, etc.), he and I never would’ve worked. After the disastrous end to my marriage, I had stopped feeling anything. Yes, I had dated here and there and had some fun with great guys, but I had lost my ability to really care. I know now, looking back, that I was too scarred by what I had been through. 

John was sweet and, at times, a little immature (again, much younger!), but with him I felt safe and alive. Alive. I hadn’t felt that way for years. I had numbed my senses to protect myself, and even when I spent time with someone, I was simply going through the motions. With John, I was truly alive. I cried more than I had in years, both happy and sad tears. In his presence I was so overwhelmed with feelings, my senses took everything in. The light through the window was like artwork. The sound of Spotify playing music was like a symphony. His laugh the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. Everything was magical because I felt it, truly felt it. 

He didn’t teach me to love again. He taught me to live again.

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