Gun Violence: Exposing Toxic Masculinity As a Prime Suspect (What Do You Think?) by Matthew Suarez Pace LMFT
I loved playing Clue as a kid. Winning the game required a player to correctly identify three things: person, location and weapon. After a mass shooting, the debate tends to narrowly focus on two things: gun control and mental health. Inspired by Clue, I want to suggest a culprit: toxic masculinity, in the school, with the semi-automatic weapon.
It doesn’t take a sleuth to figure out that toxic masculinity (TM) has its bloody fingerprints on nearly every revolver or AR-15 that has taken a life. Though the men pulling the trigger often die, toxic masculinity escapes the crime scene unquestioned. TM, which reinforces a culture of male violence, needs to be part of every debate about gun violence, and undermining it a part of any solution.
There are men challenging TM, but aren’t talking about it. Silence is also a symptom of TM and is a barrier for men who are invested in evolving beyond hyper-violent, emotionless creatures. With that in mind, I invited men to share how they challenge TM. Here are just some examples of what they’re doing that left me feeling hopeful:
- Sharing fears and failures.
- Hugging and saying, “I love you."
- Exploring sexism and homophobia.
- Nurturing children.
- Crying openly.
- Letting kids paint their nails.
- Wearing pink.
- Housekeeping.
- Teaching dancing.
Each is a wonderful act of defiance, unmasking an accomplice to every shooting, and is a step closer to finding Colonel Mustard and Professor Plum hugging it out, in the kitchen, with pink nail polish, instead of a revolver!
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Mine was when became a parent but I don’t think there really more male violence now then before.
Does everyone else?
I don’t know. Kind of feel like it starts with the president. We have Obama’s who were so kid friendly and involved father to trump who seems to bring male volience topics out more in the media and people feed off it.
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Rethinking Hegemonic Masculinity in a Globalizing World by Christine Beasley
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www.psychologytoday.com/us/blo...
In which I say that we're basically not speaking up when we see things happen or we're hearing what others are saying. I think a lot of it is mental health issues. A lot if it is bullying. A lot of it is parenting (or the lack thereof. Should we have tighter gun laws? Quite possibly...but, to put a label in them and then it away as an angry man with a gun does a disservice to everyone that's dealing with problems like this.
I saw that clip of the parents who made their kid jog to school for bullying...that’s parenting! (imho) maybe if more parent let the punishment fit the crime there’d be less crime. And talking to them or taking away a phone or computer doesn’t qualify. But like you said, a parent has to be there and involved in their kid’s lives. Fortunately for this kid, he’ll probably think twice before he tries to bully anyone again.
“Toxic Masculinity” is a joke. No such thing. Masculinity is a good thing and a Necessary thing, and our society is suffering from the increase in brow beating and shaming our men and boys for having it. And true masculinity does not include a natural tendency to harm others. That is rooted in problems that have nothing to do with a boy behaving in a masculine way. Just like girls, boys need to be taught to be decent human beings. We all need a heavier dose of kindness and respect for and confidence in, our attitudes and treatment of others. But that does not mean getting rid of gender roles or getting rid of masculinity. “Toxic Masculinity” is a dangerous lie made up by insecure women with an unhealthy feminist agenda. My boys are learning to properly handle guns, play with swords, have a winner and a loser in their sports, compete with and rally together with other boys in all kinds of games. They open doors and give up their chairs for ladies, and often make jokes about farts and boogers. They are boys. They are learning to be good men. The focus of attack or repair should not be on taking away their masculinity or any part of it, but instead focused on teaching them how awesome their masculinity and its tendencies are. And teaching them how to apply it properly in their lives.
First, the issue of gun violence and mass shootings involves a complex set of variables that extend far beyond men and masculinity. My piece is meant to highlight an aspect that seems to get overlooked in many of these conversations.
With that said, I think there is a misunderstanding... Toxic Masculinity, for me, is not about all things masculine being 'bad'. It is not 'masculinity is toxic' which seems to be how some folks are seeing this. However, toxic masculinity is, well, toxic. In other words, any framework for masculinity (and how it is understood and performed) that is limiting and rigid to me is problematic and needs to be examined for its role. Facts are facts...men are the ones primarily responsible mass shootings (since 1982 94 mass shootings by males, 2 by females)... We need to explore the various issues contributing to men and boys engaging in this kind of violence. Among the many worthwhile areas to examine is masculinity in all of its forms.
It is noteworthy to also explore what is behind some intense reactivity to this as well. I wonder what gets in the way of so many men believing that this is problem, or even being open to the possibility?
I vehemently disagree with the sexist comment above that suggests this is the result of insecure women and an unhealthy feminist agenda! On the contrary, if men were so 'secure' why get so defensive when masculinity gets questioned? Listening to the voices of women is exactly one of the BEST things men can and should do.
No one is coming for anyone's farts and boogers...where in the world would we be without them! However, as men I believe we do have some evolving to do. Men need to step up and hold each other accountable and push each other forward in the process!
First, the issue of gun violence and mass shootings involves a complex set of variables that extend far beyond men and masculinity. My piece is meant to highlight an aspect that seems to get overlooked in many of these conversations.
With that said, I think there is a misunderstanding... Toxic Masculinity, for me, is not about all things masculine being 'bad'. It is not 'masculinity is toxic' which seems to be how some folks are seeing this. However, toxic masculinity is, well, toxic. In other words, any framework for masculinity (and how it is understood and performed) that is limiting and rigid to me is problematic and needs to be examined for its role. Facts are facts...men are the ones primarily responsible mass shootings (since 1982 94 mass shootings by males, 2 by females)... We need to explore the various issues contributing to men and boys engaging in this kind of violence. Among the many worthwhile areas to examine is masculinity in all of its forms.
It is noteworthy to also explore what is behind some intense reactivity to this as well. I wonder what gets in the way of so many men believing that this is problem, or even being open to the possibility?
I vehemently disagree with the sexist comment above that suggests this is the result of insecure women and an unhealthy feminist agenda! On the contrary, if men were so 'secure' why get so defensive when masculinity gets questioned? Listening to the voices of women is exactly one of the BEST things men can and should do.
No one is coming for anyone's farts and boogers...where in the world would we be without them! However, as men I believe we do have some evolving to do. Men need to step up and hold each other accountable and push each other forward in the process!
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