New Baby? 9 Essential Tips for New Moms & Dads (With a Side of LOL Funny!) by CaptainCrooks
Hey, new parents! Parenting isn't for the feint of heart, and preparation is key. Here are nine things you need to know about babies – really!
- Sleep whenever you can, wherever you can. Learn to sleep standing up also.
- Leave the kitchen light on for midnight bottle runs and always wear pants to bed.
- Practice carrying a 5-pound bag of potatoes under one arm everywhere you go. For added authenticity, fill the bag with 5 pounds of angry kittens instead.
- For every trip out of the house, no matter how brief, carefully assess how many diapers/nappies you may need. Think of every possible contingency. Leave nothing to chance. When you've arrived at a safe quantity, double it, just in case. Babies are full of cunning and deceit.
- Always take a bag of wipes everywhere and keep two packs in the car. NEVER run out of wipes in the car. If you do you may one day have to choose between your hands or the upholstery. You don't want this choice.
- Wear puke-colored clothes.
- Get used to being a mattress. Put on several extra pounds of cushioning fat so your baby will be comfortable and sleep longer, curled up peacefully in your spare tire.
- Make time to spend quality moments with your partner. Use that time to sterilize bottles instead.
- Learn to love cold coffee. It will save you a lot of heartbreak, long term.