Wet Shoelaces Suck: 10 Things Parenting Books Don’t Teach You by Donna John

Dad Humor
13 days ago
Wet Shoelaces Suck: 10 Things Parenting Books Don’t Teach You

There are just some experiences parents must learn firsthand. Here are 10 things that you’ll never learn by reading one of those parenting books:

  1. Getting knots out of wet shoelaces is easier done with your teeth, with the shoe still on your child while they are yelling “hurry up!”
  2. Who needs a sewing machine? Girl Scout and Boy Scout patches can be put on with a hot glue gun – or even a stapler.
  3. Gifts for all occasions can be made out of craft sticks, twigs, aluminum foil, glue, empty toilet paper rings, tape and construction paper.
  4. The most precious gift you will ever receive will be made out of craft sticks, twigs, aluminum foil, glue, empty toilet paper rings, tape and construction paper.
  5. Playpens, baby swings, basketball goals and other large items can be considered pieces of furniture. Make sure the playpen is placed where it is the focal point of the room. Those bright colored clowns mix well with any décor.
  6. To make it more convenient for your child, move all your furniture into the garage or a storage facility. This should give them adequate room to play.
  7. You will never take a “quick walk around the block” with your child. Every rock will have to be picked up, every flower smelled, every dog petted and every twig inspected.
  8. When the phone rings, your child will switch into “fast forward.” By the time you’ve said “hello,” they will have broken something, stuck gum all over the dog, consumed half a package of cookies and thought of a hundred questions that have to be answered right now. (This could apply to your husband we well.)
  9. Expect it to take at least six months to read an average book. If your memory is not so good, allot another month to reread the first chapters so you can actually follow what’s going on.
  10. If you have to leave at 5:30, be ready at 5:15. At 5:29 your child will decide to paint his face, let the dog out, the phone will ring and your child’s shoes will mysteriously vanish (or have a wet knot in them).

Have a funny story to share? Tell us below!

Take 30 seconds and join the 30Seconds community. Inspire and be inspired.

Related Products on Amazon We Think You May Like:

Shoe Laces
Shoe Laces $5 & Up
Glue Guns
Glue Guns $6 & Up
Craft Sticks
Craft Sticks $5 & Up
Glue
Glue $1 & Up

30Second Mobile, Inc. is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Forget the Fork: Parents, Try to Survive the Mealtime Melee With Some Humor

Parents, Say "Yes" to Kids Climbing Up the Slide: Here Are 7 Reasons Why (Share Your Thoughts)

Children's Play Culture: Will the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Pandemic Change the Way Kids Play?

Elisa A. Schmitz 30Seconds
You are so right, Donna John! Every single one of these is spot on. Thanks for putting this great list together - I love it. Enjoy the roller coaster, for sure!!
Elisa A. Schmitz 30Seconds
You are so right, Donna John! Every single one of these is spot on. Thanks for putting this great list together - I love it. Enjoy the roller coaster, for sure!!

join discussion

Please login to comment.

recommended tips

Dad Bods Are Sexy: Watch This Funny Video From Planet Fitness (Warning: Lots of Eye Candy)!

The Non-Gestational Partner: 5 Ways Dad Can Make Life Better While Mom Grows Your Baby

Fatherhood Ads Use "Dad Jokes" As Focus (Dare Ya Not to Laugh)

New Baby? 9 Essential Tips for New Moms & Dads (With a Side of LOL!)

Got 30 seconds? Sign up for 30Seconds.com and get the best of our tips each week!