The Truth About Marriage: Why Marriage Is Really About the Sh*t Other People Don't See Relationships Opinion Weddings

Marriage can be the best thing ever and it can also be the hardest. You say "I do," party the night away and then things slowly get real. The vibes between each other change from day to day and even month to month. There's a lot of factors that impact marriage, especially these days. It's more common than not that two people get married before they have really grown up. Many of us are married before we've even figured out our career paths. 

We all have our personal hopes, unfinished dreams and half-ass plans that we are trying to mesh with the person we love. Our best friend, our ride or die. Sure, we may have made plans for our life, or maybe one of us really thought we were going to swindle the other eventually. Either way, things change, plans change, people change and that is life.

In my opinion, you get a shiny grownup badge when you get married. All of a sudden, life speeds up and everything gets real. You both have a schedule, bills, those first few jobs you hate, crappy apartments, the stress of buying a home. You get a pet and vet bills. You get more bills and then bigger bills. You quickly realize there's not enough hours in the day. You start to think maybe your major in college wasn't really right for you. You want to make a change, but how? You'd like to clean your house more, but when? You'd like to pay more attention to your spouse, but you say "tomorrow." You tend to be on edge with the person you're closest to because they are safe. You're moody over everything but them, yet you take it out on them. 

Now, don't get me wrong, there's cuddles and laughs mixed in, but it's not always as rosy as it once was. It's not like when you were dating, before you had real bills, a legit need to eat right and internal conflict out the wazoo.

And then ... then ... then ... you have a baby! It's the best day of your entire life. For both of you. You've never loved one human being more and you've never loved each other more. Your spouse thinks you're super human for birthing a baby and you think they are the best baby grabber on earth. It's really magical for a while.

Then marriage reeeeeallllllly gets fun! You're both trying to find a new life of balance. You both have new parent identities. You're trying to keep another human alive and well ... while working. You're now reevaluating which life goals are really important to you. One of you may feel your past identity slipping away and be cool with it; the other wonders who you are anymore. For a few years you'll play "tag, you're it" – you get free time, separately. Sure you may get a "babysitter" and have a few date nights, but trust me, there are a lot of "you stay home and watch the baby so I can do this." It's just how it is.

It can be so easy to grow apart. Almost resent each other. It can be easy to get caught up in a blame game. "I'm not happy because you do this." Or "I'm not happy because you don't do that." Been there done it. I've been the one pointing the finger. I've been the one on the other end being pointed at.

Why do I write all this? Because if you have issues before you say "I do," I'm letting you know it doesn't get easier after. I'm making this sound awesome, aren't I?

Luckily, if you've picked your best friend I think you'll be just fine. Besties have a way of sticking together. No matter how crappy it gets, you know you'll work on it. "I do" for me means I vow to figure out life TOGETHER and make the best of it. We may not always be our best most flattering selves with our significant others, but love usually leads to acceptance, grace and lots of forgiveness.

For many people, there's this idea of what a healthy marriage is. Maybe it's PDA, flowers on your anniversary, date nights, looking smokin' and romance. Sure, those things may be there, but in my opinion a REAL HEALTHY MARRIAGE and what demonstrates real love is the sh*t most people do not see:

• It's one person getting up early to turn the coffee pot on because you know the other won't have a hot coffee on their 35-minute drive to work if you don't get up and get it ready.

• It's doing the dishes because you know your spouse won't.

• It's picking up a favorite chocolate bar at the gas station just because you know they like it.

• It's dinners out where you remind them they are going to say, "I wish I ordered what you did" and yet they order a burger or "chicken tendies" every time.

• It's being able to shop together without killing each other.

• It's brushing the snow off their car so they don't have to.

• It's saying, "No no, go have fun," when you really would rather they stay home.

• It's looking like you could be placed in a casket and pass for dead on a Sunday morning and they don't seem to care.

• It's going along with your spouse's new diet because it's just easier and you know it's healthy.

• It's filling the diffuser when your spouse is sick, despite thinking this isn't going to help, because you know if you don't, they will get up and do it.

• It's cleaning the toilet when they have the stomach bug just so they have a clean place to puke.

This is just a short list of what makes up a glamorous marriage. The short list demonstrates real care. It doesn't mean it's perfect by any means. But at the end of the day when we may not be at our best, they swoop in and let you know they care and they have your back no matter what.

Most importantly, there is this safe feeling of THEY'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

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