How to Create Positive Relationships & Talk to Teens & Tweens With Holly Budde by Renee
The tween and teen years are often compared to “the terrible twos.” There is usually a lot of button pushing, tantrums and misunderstandings. Parenting is tough, but it is especially challenging when your child is beginning to make their own decisions and become more independent. Being available for your teen and having open communication is crucial. We learned how to do just that with Holly Budde! Holly is a Texas-based mom of two teenagers, real estate agent, writer and lover of life. Read on to learn how to create a positive relationship with our teens and be there for them when they need us the most!
Q: Teens and tween can be difficult. How do you stay positive with them?
- This is a hard, but communication starts early. Stay open and honest from an early age and allow them the same.
- Don’t live through them. This is their life to live, within reason, of course. They get to pursue their ambitions without persuasion from me.
- My girls are allowed to come to me with anything. A few minutes of awkward is better than them being scared.
It’s hard for a mom to let go and grant independence, but in the long run it’s the most valuable mom tool. Let them grow!
True - offer your support and don’t immediately point out inadequacies in thought process #30Seconds
— Mindy Sharp (@MsMin) June 20, 2019
and they will test both LOL #30seconds
— Holly @Tweenspot (@tweenspot) June 20, 2019
A1: My son just turned 8 last month, but I have tween and teen nephews and nieces. I think open conversation, honesty, positivity and patience are all key at that age! #30seconds
— Lori Leal (@LoriLeal1) June 20, 2019
Q: How do you discipline your tweens and teens?
- They know there are a few things I won’t ever bend on – the rest I try to stay open about. And when I say no, I give an explanation.
- It’s hard at this age not to want to be their friend. I am always mom first, even if it’s tough love.
- Give credit where credit is due. School and activities taking a toll? I will do their laundry. It’s give and take at our house.
- I don’t allow self-criticism or criticism of one another. Home is their haven!
#30Seconds A2 removing privileges and additional housework
— girlscoutcookies4ever! (@sonlight00) June 20, 2019
exactly. Pick your battles #30seconds
— Holly @Tweenspot (@tweenspot) June 20, 2019
Choose your battles... That's always great advice (especially when it comes to kids)! #30seconds
— Lori Leal (@LoriLeal1) June 20, 2019
Q: Home is their haven is an interesting thought. Can your elaborate on what you mean?
- Every kid deserves acceptance. Encouraged? Pushed? Yes, but loved and allowed to be themselves free of my stereotypes.
- I insist the kids stay involved in extracurricular activities – any activity they choose. It’s up to them to find what they like.
- Their friends are allowed to hang out here. They all know the rules! It keeps me in the loop.
- Everyone has down time every day. Their days are not overscheduled with activities or chores.
Look for good things to point out. So easy to spot the negative!!! Try to point out 10 positives before you point out a negative. #30Seconds
— Gina Valley (@GinaValley) June 20, 2019
#30Seconds A3 it needs to be the one place in their life, that they are totally safe.
— girlscoutcookies4ever! (@sonlight00) June 20, 2019
A3:the feeling of safety is very important! #30seconds
— 🏀🏐🏈 (@hannah_angellll) June 20, 2019
Q: Do you have suggestions on how to strengthen relationships with this age group?
- Have fun with them! Find things to do together. Watch movies, play sports, play games, go on adventures.
- When you say no, stick to it. They will come to expect what you will accept!
- Allow them to express themselves in their style and activities.
- Set boundaries. Kids should know exactly what your deal breakers are!
My girls are so different. I have to watch that w the little one #30seconds
— Holly @Tweenspot (@tweenspot) June 20, 2019
spending time together is a huge one I think! #30Seconds
— sherry bracy (@sherrybracy) June 20, 2019
Q: What are your thoughts on peer pressure with this age group?
Oh, wow! Peer pressure is at its peak. Beginning in 4th or 5th grade I noticed changes in them because of it.
- Encourage them to talk to you or each other. It’s also a great opportunity to teach your kids to know their value and set healthy boundaries for themselves.
- I usually let them work it out. It’s not my job to call the school or other parents with every little thing. They need to learn to work it out.
- They also know it’s a deal breaker if they participate in being mean to anyone.
- Watch carefully for red flags both with friends and dating. Address it immediately!
Our problem wasn’t peers; it was having that boyfriend and dating him only during HS #30Seconds
— Mindy Sharp (@MsMin) June 20, 2019
Peer pressure and problems as teens/tweens is a great learning opportunity for future relationships. Teach your children to be kind and politely no matter what anyone else does. Teach them to use "I" statements to tell how they feel. #30Seconds
— Gina Valley (@GinaValley) June 20, 2019
A5: Peer pressure is one of those inevitable things, but I think the best thing parents can do is to be prepared and open to talk about it. #30seconds
— Lori Leal (@LoriLeal1) June 20, 2019
Q: Any final words of advice for us tonight?
- Humor goes a long way! You can really make your point with it because they will pay attention more than if you’re screaming at them.
- Every kid is different. No one knows your kid better than you, so interact with them accordingly.
- I truly believe, if there is trouble in paradise with our kids, it is the parent’s responsibility to fix the problem. Take the first step.
- And lastly, try not to compare your kids to each other. Embrace their differences and teach them to be one another’s “fans.”
Being a teen is VERY hard. You are expected to be responsible like an adult and obedient like a child, when you aren't really equiped to be either. #30Seconds
— Gina Valley (@GinaValley) June 20, 2019
My son will be a tween in just a few short years (time really does fly once you have kids)! I'm storing away @tweenspot's advice for when I need it the most. 😁 #30seconds
— Lori Leal (@LoriLeal1) June 20, 2019
Be sure to follow @tweenspot and read Holly’s 30Seconds tips!
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