Teen Dating: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Has Her First Boyfriend (and It's Not As Bad As I Imagined) by Heather Holter

Teens Parenting
5 years ago

Teen Dating: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Has Her First Boyfriend (and It's Not As Bad As I Imagined)

My 14-year-old daughter, who’s in 9th grade, recently announced that she has a boyfriend. I tried to remain calm, but on the inside I was freaking out! I never had any intention to let her date this young. I thought she would be older.

I asked her who her boyfriend is, and when she replied, my response wasn't so nice. "That tiny Mexican kid you have known since first grade?" For days, I had worst-case scenario visions of her getting pregnant and me raising the kid while she finished high school. Turns out, I overreacted a bit.

I changed my mind pretty quickly. This boy is very nice. He is 15 and very polite. He has spent quite a lot of time at our house, and our family went to his family's house for Christmas Eve dinner. I have spoken to his mother about "the rules," and have spoken to the kids about their expectations and intentions. The rules are simple:

  • They are never alone and spend most of their time in the main living area.
  • If they go into her room, the door remains open.

They both want to take things slow and have no intention to engage in sex anytime soon. The extent of their physical relationship is holding hands, closed-mouth kissing and hugging.

I really love this boy. He is kind, caring, helpful and respectful. An all-around amazing young man. He asks my permission for every little thing regarding my daughter. He helps clean up after dinner. Most importantly, he really cares for my girl. He even got us our first family dog, and she is such a sweet little thing! Perhaps he was trying to win us over? He really is the best. I hope he sticks around for a while. 

If you find yourself freaking out when your teen gets his or her first boyfriend or girlfriend, take a deep breath and talk to everyone involved and get to know the kid. It probably isn't as bad as you think!

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Elisa Schmitz
How wonderful, Heather Holter ! I remember being freaked out when my daughter told me she had her first boyfriend, too. It is such a challenge to not let parental fears get in the way of kids growing and learning and loving. Your daughter's boyfriend sounds like a wonderful young man. Lucky all of you!
Mike Prochaska
Not ready to deal with this yet
Heather Holter
I was freaked out too. She is on to her 2nd boyfriend, who drives her places so I have had to have more in depth discussions with her about making good choices. After a month, so far so good. Don't worry. You will know what to do and say. Promise.
Gogosh Bushak
Hello everyone, it is 3:40 am and I am crying in my bed. I caught my 14 year old in the park hanging out with her classmate, she previously told me that they both like each other and he asked her to be her girlfriend and her response was that she isn’t allowed to have a bf . Today she told me the truth that they are boyfriend and girlfriend....I am scared and she didn’t trust me, she lied....I don’t know what to say and what is next? 😭
Heather Holter
I mean obviously she wanted to date but lied bc she knew it was against the rules. Now that she has one I would write some new rules and make sure you are present when you are together. Chaperone dates. You take them and drop them off but wait outside the public place until they are done. Talk to the boys parents and see what their rules are in the home. If the parents are all watching them and when they are together it's not a huge deal really. Include the boyfriend in family activities. If they start sneaking around to be alone then that's a whole other issue. My girl and I have very open communication and she would never go against my wishes. She is 16 now and has been with this boyfriend almost 2 years. She drives now but I always know where she is.

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