From Breast Cancer to Anal Cancer: There Is Good In the Darkest of Places (A Joke In Itself) by Tammy Read

I have always tried to find the good in every situation, no matter how bad. I find myself at this moment grasping at straws to find the good in my current situation. This is going to sound crude, but it is with humor that I am able to cope with most things. So brace yourself, my current situation is ass cancer. Sounds much more funny than what it is actually called. So for my benefit, I hope you will allow me to refer to it as ass cancer.

Ass cancer (aka anal cancer) alone is not what leaves me trying to find the good in it. It is the fact that just two weeks before I was diagnosed with a malignant mass in the most unfeminine of areas, I was praised for surviving breast cancer. After almost a year of chemotherapy leading to the loss of my hair, a lumpectomy, radiation and countless scans, I was in remission. Cancer free!

In an early PET scan to stage my breast cancer, a little light sparked on my scan near my colon. I was advised to get a colonoscopy at that time. I refused. I proclaimed for many years I would not get a colonoscopy. How gross and awkward of a test! I said I would just let the cancer take me if it happened there. Piece of advice, don’t say that out loud ever.

At the end of last year, I conceded to have the dreaded colonoscopy. It wouldn’t cost me anything. I had met all of my out of pocket maximums with my health insurance for the year. So fine. I had already been tortured and humiliated during the year. What is just one more thing to add to that list. I had some concerns about that area, but concerns that were easily side effects of an immunotherapy drug I was taking to keep away breast cancer. I thought maybe I had an ulcer or maybe just insignificant polyps. I was hoping for some simple ailment.

The prep that everyone fears about the day before a colonoscopy was not bad to me at all. I had been through chemotherapy. So a little throw up and liquid diet was not difficult for me to endure. I was starving, though. I couldn’t wait for my colonoscopy to be done, so that I could have a cheeseburger. Thank goodness they knock you out for the procedure itself. When I awoke from the procedure, feeling fairly good on the drugs they gave me, I looked over to my husband sitting slumped over in a chair at my bedside. I looked to him and groggily asked if they found an ulcer. He shook his head no. OK. Polyps. Did they scrape them out? He just said the doctor would be in in a minute to talk to us. Well crap! I went to instant tears.

You know what someone in remission fears most? Reoccurrence or more cancer. I had just joined an online support group a few weeks prior just for that reason. My friends and family I felt were finally getting a break and sigh of relief of no more cancer. I didn’t want to put my fears on them, but knew I needed an outlet for my own well being. The doctor came back in the room and started with, “I'm sorry. This is not the news you were hoping for." Thanks for ruining my cheeseburger craving. I think I took this news harder than I did the breast cancer news. I was stronger then and ready for a fight. Death wasn’t even a possibility in my mind back then. Bring it on. I’m not gonna slow down. I truly didn’t. I went to work every day. I worked on days I had chemo and days I felt my worst. This time, I’m tired. How is my body gonna handle another fight?

So getting back to finding the reason bad things happen. I was able to do that with the breast cancer. Sometimes you can’t really help someone get through something, unless you’ve been through it yourself. I’m very strong and have a lot of fight. I also have a lot of humor. It’s how I cope. I always posted funny things about the changes I was going through. My incredible weight-loss program. The fact that I could grow my hair out in seconds with the right wig. A few people had reached out to me going through similar experiences and found what I had to say comforting and inspiring. There it was, the reason I had to have breast cancer. I feel good about that. I wish I didn’t have to get it, but if it helped someone else’s fight be a little less painful, it was worth it to me.

Finding ass cancer just two weeks out of remission, where is the good in that? I’ve racked my brain and this is what I’ve come up with: If you are at risk for ass cancer or have any symptoms, get it checked out ASAP. Don’t wait because the test itself is uncomfortable. I once said I’d rather die of ass cancer than ever have a colonoscopy. Definitely regret that now. Thank you, Universe, for slapping me into my place. So if my story helps just one person go and get themselves checked out, then it’s worth it. Still a hard pill to swallow.

If you take the test and are clear, fantastic! If they find something, reach out to me. I can’t cure it, but I will make you laugh about it and I will hold you up when you feel it's too much. For me, it's just surgery. I will live to joke another day.

Learn about the symptoms of anal cancer.

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