Release the "Why" in Loss: When Healing After a Loss, Here's a Better Question to Ask Yourself by Roxane Goss

Release the "Why" in Loss: When Healing After a Loss, Here's a Better Question to Ask Yourself

So often we can get stuck in the grieving process. When that happens, we spend so much of our time trying to figure out why we aren't able to reconcile the loss, heal and move forward. One of the ways you can get stuck is in asking why: Why did my loved one die? Why didn't he go to the doctor? Why didn't I call 9-1-1?

Most likely there will never be an answer to the why. Staying in the why keeps you stuck in the past. It prevents you from healing, moving forward and living a fulfilling life. A better question would be: "How?" 

  • How are you going to look at your loss?
  • How are you going to respond to the loss?
  • How can you understand the loss from a different perspective than that of the why?
  • How are you going to move forward in spite of the loss?

The how shines a light into the future. It allows you to get curious, to explore and discover all the possibilities that lie ahead. The how allows you to reconcile and heal so you can reconstruct and renew your life.

If you're stuck in the why, ask yourself these questions: "How is the 'WHY' serving me?" "How will the 'HOW' serve me better?"

The content on is for informational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered medical advice. The information on this site should not be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, and is not a substitute for professional care. Always consult your personal healthcare provider. The opinions or views expressed on do not necessarily represent those of 30Seconds or any of its employees, corporate partners or affiliates.

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Elisa Schmitz
So incredibly insightful, Roxane Goss . Very true. Thank you for sharing! 💗
Keri De Deo
I needed to hear this. I've been free from my job for a year now, but I am struggling with the loss. I'm totally stuck in the "why" of it all. And that "why" will never get answered. So, now I will focus on how I'm going to move forward.

Thank you for this!

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