Social media posts may show kids snacking on zucchini and avocado, but my kids rarely eat regularly, much less something cultivated! Post-second kid realization: comparisons to other parents is pointless. I have adopted a “save my sanity” adage.
- Make up your own reality. Dinner: potato hearts, tomato aioli and breaded fowl (aka french fries with ketchup and chicken nuggets).
- Never go to a restaurant! Dining out requires anxiously awaiting management to ask you to leave and paying for a meal that no one will eat while coaxing kids out from under the table or discouraging playing with the hair of the lady sitting behind you.
- STAY HOME! This is where I say f#ck the fork! Eat spaghetti with your hands, take off your clothes and sit naked at the table; we’ll hose you down later.
- Food they liked yesterday they don’t like today! Re-examining why Gram’s fish sticks are better? Pointless! Same box, same store. But mine taste like roadkill scraped off a desert highway.
- Don’t self-loathe if sole craving is fruit snacks! Throw them a bag of “shut the hell ups.”
Parents: celebrate keeping the kids alive one more day. Snap 10 to 800 pics of them smiling for proof of survival!
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