One of the top parenting challenges I am asked about most often is WHY kids complain so much, which will give us some insight on HOW to get them to stop complaining. The first step in addressing a complaining child is to explore the WHY:
- “Why do you think nobody cares about you?”
- “Why do you think you are bored?”
- “Why do you not want to do your homework?”
Once we know the answer to the WHY, we can easily tap into the feeling. Engaging the intellect with the WHYs helps balance emotions and opens the door to communication. Explore the feeling behind the complaint with this quick exercise:
- Spot it. Spot the feeling behind the complaint: “I am bored.”
- Say it. Say the feeling out loud: “I can see that you’re feeling sad that you have nothing to do.”
- OK it. Validate the feeling: “It’s OK to feel bored sometimes.”
Now you can move to resolve. And remember to think outside the box: “When we are bored, it gives us a chance to be creative. How about writing a letter to Grandma?"
Read more about how to get your child to stop complaining via Tools of Growth.