Growing up as a twin myself, I know a few things about twins. My sister and I were compared, shared most things, called twinners instead of our names and were always dressed alike. I have my own twins and I wanted to raise them differently than I was, so here is what I do to ensure they will feel like individuals:
- I do not compare them and I embrace each of their strengths.
- I let them wear different clothes, not matching stuff, even if they own identical outfits. They can wear them different days.
- I don't give them shared toys unless they want an expensive item and want to share it.
- I call them by their names, and when referring to them I call them the girls, not the twins.
- I don't expect them to like the same kids and have the same friends – they each have many friends the other isn't friends with.
- I don't make them do the same activities. They are both in dance. Some years they want to take the same class and some years they choose different classes.
Twins are very special, but I want my twins to feel important just being themselves, not because they are twins. I feel they will become more independent and less competitive with each other if I follow these guidelines.
Great article! I am also an identical twin with identical twin girls. My mother used to force my sister and I to wear the same clothes, have same friends and do the same activities because she believed 'that's what identicle twins should do'. I used to rebel against this and was quite upset about this as it happened all the way to our teens and I ended up running away from home at 14 years old and have been looking after myself ever since. I allow my girls (I also never refer to them as the twins) to dress and be individuals. Sometimes they choose to wear the same outfit and although I do not favour it, I allow them to make that choice.
I have been part of a multiple births club where I served 3 years as a club president. I always encouraged other parents to treat their children as individuals, however try and respect their decision if they do not agree.