Family By Choice: What Can Happen When Pregnancy Isn't in the Cards Family Planning Opinion

I have never been pregnant. I always believed I’d have children but felt no burning desire to procreate when young. As an adopted child, I knew that option could happily work for me, if needed.

My first husband was vague about his feelings on children, and when I thought I might be pregnant said it was abortion or divorce; he wanted nothing to do with children, his own included. Luckily, a choice wasn’t needed, since I wasn’t pregnant after all, but the moment was the beginning of the end of the marriage.

That false pregnancy was the first hint I had about the likelihood of infertility due to extensive fibroids, and the probability that I would not be able to carry a baby to term should I ever want to do so. I considered the possibility of being a single mom and adopting, but a new job meant the time wasn’t right for a child.

My second marriage happened when we were both in our 50s, so children were out of the question. But my widower husband had a daughter. I happily became her stepmom and watched her through her own pregnancies and experienced the blessing of meeting each of my grandchildren on the day of their birth.

You don’t need biological connections to make a family, and families of choice can be just as true as those of blood. There are many ways for women to mother those we love, and there should be no regrets for not having a child from one’s own body.

Sometimes the children we choose can feel closer than those we didn’t.

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