How Do You Forgive Yourself When Your Medical Needs Conflict With Your Unborn Baby’s Needs? by Carrie Watts

5 years ago

How Do You Forgive Yourself When Your Medical Needs Conflict With Your Unborn Baby’s Needs?

My first pregnancy had challenges, but I was sure it would be perfect the next time. I entered my second pregnancy with great hope. At first, it was ideal. Then, severe symphysis pubic dysfunction (SPD) kicked in. At week 16, I couldn’t sit or walk without discomfort. At week 19 I was using crutches and hadn’t slept in more than a week. I couldn’t walk and was housebound by week 23. 

Every movement was exhausting and excruciating. I had tried all the medications approved in pregnancy, but nothing helped. Following my third hospitalization for pain, the doctors became concerned about stress on the baby and my blood pressure. With great regret, I agreed to use slow-release morphine for the last two months, which allowed me to sleep two or three hours at night and rest a bit during the day. 

The meds made it just bearable, but I was tormented with guilt that my failing was putting my baby in danger. There was no perfect solution, which was more painful than the SPD. 

I had to make peace with the fact that, as a parent, there is no “perfect.” There is only what we can do with what we have. If we do our best for our kids, with love and consideration, that’s all we can really expect from ourselves. 

No guilt required.

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Elisa Schmitz
Wow, what a difficult experience. Thank you for your honest sharing, as always, Carrie Watts . Your voice makes a difference in many lives!
Carrie Watts
Thank you, @elisa. The one thing I have definitely learned as a parent is that we are all dealing with the same kinds of feelings and not talking about them only makes things worse. These issues are the kinds of things that can affect anyone and there is no blame to be assigned. If I can help one mother feel better about herself, then sharing it is worthwhile.
Julio Caro
Thanks For Sharing...

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