How to Jumpstart Your Sex Life in 7 Days: Bring Your Bedroom Back to Life With Sex Therapist Dr. Laura Berman by Dr. Laura Berman
Research shows that people are having less sex than ever before. It’s alarming how much our sexual frequency has decreased in just a handful of years. We live in a much more sexually liberal and sexually informed society than our grandparents or great-grandparents, yet we are having much less sex than they did!
But you can breathe life back into your bedroom in just one week. Here are seven ways to jumpstart your sex life:
- Set your core relationship goals. Core relationship goals should be rooted in your emotional experience. For example, how do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? How do you want to experience the world with your partner? How do you want to feel every day in love? Make a list of five core desired feelings that you want to experience as your reality, rather than just a list of complaints or lofty goals. This list will be your guide as you rebuild your sex life.
- Try soul-gazing. Sit cross-legged on the floor in front of your partner and have them do the same. Focus on the eye of your partner that is above his or her heart for one to three minutes. This may feel very vulnerable and silly. You can stop early if you want but try just to let yourself giggle a little, acknowledge that it feels a little awkward, and try to keep going. If you want to take it up a notch: try it just for an extended period of time, the longer the better, your heart rates will even synchronize!
- Revamp your loungewear. Instead of leggings or sweats, today I want you to put on something silky and soft, something that will awaken the tactile side of your brain and also maybe grab your partner’s attention. But, remember, the goal isn’t to hop in bed. It’s just to awaken your senses in a new way and bring your attention to the present moment as it pertains to the sensations in your body. Whether it’s a pair of silky boxers, a pair of fur-lined slippers, a silky teddy or a velvet robe, look for ways to awaken your senses in a completely new and sensual way. Or, you could swap out your plain sheets for some silky-soft new bedding, or try sleeping naked under a soft, furry blanket.
- Do the 30/10 challenge every day. Hug for 30 seconds at least once a day, and kiss for 10 seconds each day. What I love about this challenge of mine is that even the busiest person cannot say they don’t have 40 seconds to focus on their relationship. Yet the changes in your relationship and sex life are going to be so powerful if you commit to doing this every day, even if you and your partner are in conflict or even if you aren’t in the mood for sex. The goal is to make physical affection exciting and expected every day, even if intimacy can’t occur.
- Seduce your partner. Think back to a time in your life when you felt utterly seduced by your partner. Feel how you felt in that moment. Then, make it your goal today to do something seductive for your partner that will help them feel those feelings you felt when you were seduced. Set an intention that you are going to do one thing to make your partner feel like a sexually desirable person this week, to send them the message that you desire them and you can’t keep it to yourself because the attraction is too strong.
- Change your lens. Write down five things that you love about your partner. Have your partner do the same. Share your lists with one another. Make it a point to compliment your partner for at least five things that they are doing right every single day for the rest of the week and have them do the same.
- Do a sensual activity together. Whether it is a warm bubble bath, a couples’ massage or cooking a meal together and feeding each other, find an activity that will get you to slow down and truly become embodied.
Improving your sex life doesn’t have to be some massive, time-consuming project that you have to delay until you have ample free time and energy. You really just need to put in a little bit of effort each day, even if it is just a slight mental shift, to start seeing significant changes in your bedroom.
Sign up for my 7 Days to Better Sex program.
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