blog » February 11, 2019 by Renee

In Honor of Valentine's Day, How to Show Love to Those Who Need It Most With Dr. Christi Hibbert by Renee

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4 years ago
In Honor of Valentine's Day, How to Show Love to Those Who Need It Most With Dr. Christi Hibbert

February is the month for love! We were so excited to welcome 30Seconds contributor Dr. Christina Hibbert as our next #30Seconds Twitter chat guest! Dr. Christina Hibbert is a clinical psychologist specializing in maternal mental health, grief/loss, parenting, self-esteem/self-worth and personal growth. Dr. Christi is also a bestselling author, blogger, speaker and married mom of six! Whether you have a "Valentine" or not, let's shift the focus from the romantic vision of buying gifts to growing our hearts and showing love to those who need it most. 

Q: Why a “NEW” way to do Valentine’s Day?

I know Valentine’s Day is usually associated w romantic love, relationships and gifts, BUT many years ago I started doing things a NEW way. Valentine’s Day is about love, right? That doesn’t just mean romance and gifts. What about family love? Friendship? Service? Self-love?To me, a day that represents love should be a reminder of not only what we receive, but even more so about who we ARE when it comes to love. I’m always looking for new ways to grow, and Valentine’s Day is one of the best days to grow in love.

Q: I love it! So what are some of the things you do/suggest for us to do to “grow in love” Valentine’s Day?

Look for those who need extra love on Valentine’s Day. Instead of focusing on relationships, we can focus on the many who feel alone because they don’t have a Valentine. Years ago, I started sending Valentine’s Day cards to my grandmothers, both widows. They’re 95 and 102 years old now! And it still say it means so much. It’s the only gift they receive.

Look for those who have lost love and share your love with them this Valentine’s Day. A simple card, note, text saying how much you appreciate them or you’re thinking of them can make a huge difference.

Read my article, “Loss, Love & a New Way to Do Valentine’s Day” for more.

Or what about giving your kids a little extra love? I love to write my kids a note about what I appreciate or see in them and give it with a small gift. A win-win, since you’re modeling how to grow in love, too! Read “50 Ways to Love Your Loved Ones” for some fun ideas!

You could do a family service project on Valentine’s Day instead of going out to a fancy dinner with your sweetheart. My kids and I are going to visit with a family in need tomorrow night. It’s so rewarding!

Q: Awesome! So, what about things we can do for/with OURSELVES to grow this Valentine’s Day?

We can choose to focus on developing and expanding our own hearts to BE more loving, too. One way to do this is to take note of our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to loving and letting love in. Then, choose one strength to DO something with and one weakness to IMPROVE.

For example, if you’re great at listening, make an effort to listen to someone on Valentine’s Day. If you’re not great at being patient with your kids, set one small goal to improve in that way.

“Love is a verb,” they say. It can be a DOING verb, yes. But it’s also a BEING verb. So much of loving is in who we ARE and not always what we DO. As we seek to improve our qualities of love – patience, positive emotions, kindness, gentleness, without envy or pride – we BECOME more full of love. And what a Valentine’s Day gift for us and all around us!

Q: What about those of us who might struggle with RECEIVING love? Letting love in?

Receiving and letting love in is an essential component of loving and being loved, and most of us struggle w this in some way at some point. I once had a professor who told me I was “difficult to love” (he was a psychologist)! I was so mad at him! But I realized later, he was right. I blocked love so I wouldn’t get hurt. As we identify the ways we block love in our lives, we can choose to make positive change – like asking for help, accepting a compliment or letting someone serve us. Don’t rob others of their opportunity to serve and love you. It not only benefits you; it helps them feel greater love, too.

Q: Finally, what about loving ourselves? Isn’t that a crucial part of “growing in love?”

Absolutely! It’s essential to learn to love ourselves. We NEED self-love if we want to be able to love others completely, too. Why is it so difficult to love ourselves? For one, we believe the lies we learn over the years and end up blocking the love we could feel for ourselves. Self-love involves four components:

  • Self-compassion (thinking kindly about ourselves).
  • Self-kindness (doing kind things).
  • Self-care.
  • Letting love in!

If we actively seek to build not only self-love but a true sense of self-worth, we find our relationships, outlook, emotions and life transformed! Building self-worth is a huge topic, and I wish we had time to go into it, but this is a great place to start.

Q: So true! Is there anything else you’d like to add as we wrap up?

Just this: Remember, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to assess our abilities to give and receive love, and do a little bit better. Use the 5 percent rule: Ask, “What would it look like to be 5 percent better at loving or being loved?” Then, do one thing to move in that direction. And if you want more sustained coaching and help, I invite you to join my brand NEW membership program, GROW Monthly! An awesome way to GROW in all areas of life!

Alex Bryant
I wish I could join the conversation but will be talking to students at Texas A&M when this takes place.
Be sure to follow up afterwards! This link will be a transcript of the chat!!!
Cassandra Conyers
Sorry to miss; will be at an event. Good luck.
Dr. Christina Hibbert
Can't wait for tonight! We're going to have a blast, and I have some awesome gifts to give away!!
Meredith Schneider
Showing love to those who need it most is so important not only on Valentine's Day but everyday of the year too! Dr. Christina Hibbert, can't wait to hear what you have to share with us! :-)

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