Is It Time to Break Up? How to End a Bad Relationship & Live a Happier Life by Stephanie Hernandez

5 years ago

Is It Time to Break Up? How to End a Bad Relationship & Live a Happier Life

It’s always alarming how often we keep relationships despite knowing they may not be good for us. This isn’t just about significant others, we’re talking about friends, family and close colleagues. We keep these people around us and continue to cause ourselves emotional and mental damage. Why do we do it? Life is so precious, and I want everyone to spend it being as happy and stress free as they can possibly be. That’s what my whole brand is dedicated to! So, I want to talk about how to end a bad relationship and move on to positive ones.

  • Take Time Away: This is the most important rule in my opinion. We become so wrapped up with this other person, we lose the ability to see it from a different perspective. Additionally, you might even need time away from other people. Why? Your friends and family could be enabling your behavior. They could be supporting the relationship, not knowing all of the facts. The pressure you feel from them is another reason you continue to stay in this relationship. Take time away from everyone as best as you can. Stay at a friend’s house who isn’t involved, temporarily deactivate your social media accounts or just delete the apps off your phone. Love is very much like a drug. The feeling you get (when it’s a happy day) is like when a drug addict gets a high. It removes away all of the bad feelings, even if it’s just for a moment. You need to detox yourself from this by getting away from it. When you do, your mind will be clear and you’ll see things from a different perspective.
  • Bribe Yourself: Now, I know more than anyone that it is not as simple as just “taking time away.” Like a drug, you can’t just say that and expect to magically be cured. This is going to take hard work, and I’ll be damned if that doesn’t mean bribing yourself. There’s nothing more tempting when you’re ending a relationship than to try and communicate with them in one way or another (I see you Facebook stalkers). This is a great time to bribe yourself with little goals and treats. For example, you can try not to communicate with said person for an entire week. If you succeed, then treat yourself to something that you have wanted. This could be an ice cream date with a friend, a new dress at your favorite store or going out for drinks with your girlfriends. Make the reward something you actually want to do. It’s easy to say, “Well, I don’t REALLY need to go on an ice cream date,” and then proceed to contact the person you’re trying to avoid.
  • Surround Yourself With Positive People: We all know the song by Drake, "Hotline Bling." He talks about how the girl is hanging out with new people and drinking champagne on the dance floor. Basically, having a great time. The song is obviously written in his perspective, but think of the girl in the scenario. This may have been a bad relationship that she was able to get out of. Now she has managed to spend time away from him, and meet new positive people that are helping her heal. It sounds like she’s trying to move on with her life, and that’s the person you should be. There’s few things more contagious than positivity. Reach out to those friends of yours who always manage to have a positive attitude and go out! Don’t really have those people? This is the perfect time to make some new friends! Join meet-up apps like Bumble BFF or Meetup. Sign up for a fitness class nearby and befriend someone in class. Keeping yourself busy trying to meet new people is a great way to distract you from the temptations.
  • Allow Yourself to Heal: I don’t want you to read this and leave thinking that you should pretend this person didn’t exist and ignore all of your thoughts about them. You need to heal, and you can’t do that by ignoring these feelings. Once you lose the temptation to contact this person, allow yourself to think back on the relationship and how it shaped you to be who you are today. Never allow yourself to hold grudges or resentment. This only hurts yourself. Allow yourself to forgive. This will give your heart the chance to move forward. Don’t over pack your days with countless activities in hopes to forget this person. I can assure you, this won’t work. You will only continue to suppress these emotions until you can’t hold it in anymore and have an emotional breakdown in the middle of Starbucks.
  • Move On at Your Own Pace: Moving on is different for everyone. It’s not going to be easy, and it can take a really long time. What is most important is you allow yourself to heal and move on at your own natural pace. Do not rush life or you’ll never give yourself the opportunity to reflect and grow from your past. There’s this rule of thumb that it should take half the time of your relationship to move on. I think this is ridiculous. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like you need to “move on already” or "get over it." You are allowed to take all of the time you need. The last thing you want is too move too quickly and live with any resentment or regret. I don’t believe in rebounds, unless the rebound is just you learning to love yourself.

We will all find ourselves in a bad relationship one day. Things happen, people change and life can be difficult at times. What’s important is how we take care of ourselves first, heal and learn from the people that have come into our lives. It’s OK to miss them. It’s OK to be hurt. As long as we keep moving forward, we’ll be OK.

What advice would you add to this list for someone who may be struggling in a bad relationship? Let me know in the comments!

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Elisa Schmitz
Great advice for a very difficult thing, Stephanie Hernandez . Relationships are so hard. I would say that loving yourself is key. Put yourself first, treat yourself well, be your own best friend. It may sound cliche, but it helps so much when you don't depend on others for your happiness. Self-love can take you very far! Thank you for sharing these very important tips!
Great piece Stephanie Hernandez! Thank you for sharing!

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