Negative Self-Talk: There's a Mean Girl Who Won't Leave My Daughter Alone by Tanya Kuzmanovic

Parenting Teens
2 years ago

Negative Self-Talk: There's a Mean Girl Who Won't Leave My Daughter Alone

When she’s at school, this girl follows her, criticizing her every action, mocking her every word. When my daughter is talking, this mean girl is snickering and whispering about how stupid she is. When my daughter heads out at recess, this mean girl tells her that she is a friendless loser.

I’ve tried talking to my daughter about the situation. I combat what the mean girl says. I've told my daughter to ignore her. At my wit's end, I've even confronted the mean girl myself!

But none of these approaches have worked.

I’m just no match for this other awful child – this mean girl that my daughter is willing to listen to and believe. Why is she more willing to listen to the negativity spewing out of this mean girl’s mouth than the loving support pouring out of mine?

The truth of the matter is that this mean girl has more access to my child than I do – her own mother. She is in her head, criticizing her every move. She is next to her at night, whispering cruel thoughts into her ear. When my daughter is looking in a mirror, it's the mean girl looking back at her.

The mean girl is my daughter herself.

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Elisa Schmitz
Oh, my goodness, Tanya Kuzmanovic . I think so many parents can relate to this. I know I can. It is so hard to contradict what our kids tell themselves, but we have to keep trying. And by the way, I'm not sure this is only a kid thing. As adults, we need to combat that voice in our heads as well. Thank you for this powerful reflection!
Tanya Kuzmanovic
i agree -- a good friend said to me "If you wouldn't say it to another person, then why would you say it to yourself" -- i try to remember that when i'm having a bad day!
Elisa Schmitz
I like that approach, and I'm going to pass it on to my kids (and myself)! Tanya Kuzmanovic

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