Have a Mouthy Teenager? Parents, Here's Why to Respond With Love! by Heather Holter

Teens Parenting
a year ago
Have a Mouthy Teenager? Parents, Here's Why to Respond With Love!

I have a 13-year-old girl that is sweet, kind, loving, generous and responsible. She does everything she is supposed to and her behavior very good. The only problem is her mouth! I feel like it's her hobby to tell me I am wrong or stupid daily. I used to argue with her and scream at her when she did that, but that was not working. I started to try to see why she was doing it. Many reasons seemed to be the answer:

  • testing limits
  • seeking independence
  • the ever-dreaded hormone fluctuations

So here is what I do now, and with better results: I tell her she is not allowed to disrespect me, but may nicely tell me her thoughts on anything in a respectful way even if her view is different from mine. Then I always make sure to say that even when she talks rudely to me, I still love her no matter what more than anything! This approach seems to end the confrontation quickly.

Mouthy teens are hard to deal with, and I sometimes want to yell and argue with her, but it helps no one so I breathe, count and respond in a loving way. I want to build my girl up instead of breaking her down. LOVE is always the answer. 

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Elisa All Schmitz 30Seconds
Oh, you said it, Heather Holter ! So very true. Love is always the answer.
Cynthia Miller
Dear Heather, I have a pre-teen and the mouthiness is starting to show up -- so I was glad to see this post. Absolutely, love opens up places for growth. Toady my daughter was really sassing off and I made myself back up and say listen, I know you are better than this, I know you want to be better than this, and I want to help you be better than this. But I can't help you if you're being rude to me. So let's let the anger pass, and let's get back to a good place; and we did,

You're so right, understanding that the reasons include pushing boundaries, looking for independence -- that helps because loosening restrictions, instead of keeping them static and watching The Mouth try to push through them -- better results there too.

Thank you again!
Heather Holter
It i s so hard when you have to start letting go and giving more freedom, which means also trusting them to make good choices! It is so scary out there!

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