Have a Mouthy Teenager? Parents, Here's Why to Respond With Love! by Heather Holter
I have a 13-year-old girl that is sweet, kind, loving, generous and responsible. She does everything she is supposed to and her behavior very good. The only problem is her mouth! I feel like it's her hobby to tell me I am wrong or stupid daily. I used to argue with her and scream at her when she did that, but that was not working. I started to try to see why she was doing it. Many reasons seemed to be the answer:
- testing limits
- seeking independence
- the ever-dreaded hormone fluctuations
So here is what I do now, and with better results: I tell her she is not allowed to disrespect me, but may nicely tell me her thoughts on anything in a respectful way even if her view is different from mine. Then I always make sure to say that even when she talks rudely to me, I still love her no matter what more than anything! This approach seems to end the confrontation quickly.
Mouthy teens are hard to deal with, and I sometimes want to yell and argue with her, but it helps no one so I breathe, count and respond in a loving way. I want to build my girl up instead of breaking her down. LOVE is always the answer.
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You're so right, understanding that the reasons include pushing boundaries, looking for independence -- that helps because loosening restrictions, instead of keeping them static and watching The Mouth try to push through them -- better results there too.
Thank you again!