Comparing Our Kids: Why I Make a Conscious Choice Not To by Holly Budde

6 years ago

Comparing Our Kids: Why I Make a Conscious Choice Not To

My girls are bipolar opposites. It’s amazing they are both mine. Their interests, the way they learn, communicate, express themselves and react could not be any farther apart. Very early on as my little one was just toddling around I noticed how they played with such different things and how they reacted to me so differently. And I loved it! They were each their own. I made a conscious decision almost nine years ago to never compare them. Never make one think I was closer to or understood one more than the other. I have loved their differences – and embraced them.

I have one I call "all sports no frills" and one I call "all frills no sweat." One is particular. One is flamboyant. I have encouraged them to be themselves. I have made sacrifices to make sure each participates in their activity of interest. I have set a rule: "It was your turn, now it is her turn." This helps to keep from overscheduling, but it also makes each one support the other by watching. They are extremely close. Even at six years apart.

I consciously encourage them both. I don’t allow one to criticize the other, nor do I let them hear me. When asked (and both do as a joke) who's my favorite, I say: "I got lucky. I have two favorites"

Donna John
LOVE this, Holly Budde !! So important not to compare our kids. You cannot even parent kids the same. Each has their own needs and personality you can to compensate for. And parenting a boy is different from parenting a girl. My girls still joke that my son was my favorite. :-)
Holly Budde
LOL ! too funny donna, my sis and I still tease our mom that my brother was her favorite.
Ann Marie Patitucci
I love this so much, Holly Budde ! My boys are polar opposites too. Great advice!
Meredith Schneider
This is an awesome tip Holly Budde AND your girls sound incredible! So agree! I do the same with our 4 kids. Never compare and try to never overbook sports and activities. Otherwise it just becomes a stress fest vs tons of fun!
Chef Gigi
Love this! When the kids asked me who I loved more I'd say " Purple is my favorite color, Gabie's is red, Dakota's is blue. Together they make purple. I couldn't have purple without the both of you . "
Holly Budde
what a cool thing to say to your kids!!
Mike Prochaska
Love this need to have my wife read it she always comparing the kiddos drives
Me crazy
Elisa Schmitz
This is so great! I did this with my identical twins - so important for their self-esteem. Thank you, Holly Budde !

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