Dr. Christina Hibbert Shares Her New Book "Who Am I Without You!" by Donna John
If you’ve ever gone through a breakup – whether divorce, wayward children, parents with whom you don’t get along, etc. – you know how difficult relationship loss is. Dr. Christina Hibbert wrote the book on this topic – literally! Her new book – Who Am I Without You? – launched this week, but she had time to chat and share her insights with us!
Q: Congratulations on the launch of your new book, “Who Am I Without You?” Tell us about it! What prompted you to write it?
A: I wanted to write a book on self-esteem and self-worth and the publisher asked if I’d write about breakups and self-esteem. I wasn’t sure I was the best person, but soon realized a breakup or divorce is just like any other loss, and I sure know about that! I wrote the book for anyone going through a tough loss or life transition. It’s a 52-chapter guide to self-esteem.
Q: So, it sounds like “Who Am I Without You?” could benefit almost anyone – breakup or not! Right?
A: Right! I’ve already gotten some excellent reviews from people who’ve been married for years AND those going through breakups or divorce. I could easily insert any life trial or transition – death of a loved one, job loss, problems with your parents – and it would work just as well. It focuses on three parts: Overcoming, Becoming and Flourishing! I always say, we’re always in one of the three: We’re overcoming something, working on becoming our best self or we are flourishing! So really this book is for anyone wanting to overcome, become, and/or flourish!
Q: Let’s start with overcoming! We all have trials to overcome. What are your strategies for overcoming loss or life transitions?
A: Yes, we all have something to overcome – death, divorce, wayward children, parenting struggles. These are all major losses. The first strategy for overcoming is to set up a solid support system. We cannot do it alone! Learn the skills of overcoming: GRIEVE your losses. FEEL difficult emotions. CHANGE your thinking. These are the first chapters. Part of overcoming is also SELF-CARE. We must take care of our body, mind and spirit! Tears is my method for grief work. Talking, exercise, artistic expression, recording and writing feelings and thoughts, and sobbing.
Q: What about becoming? This book focuses heavily on building self-worth, correct? Tell us about that.
I share my theory of self-worth. The Pyramid of Self-Worth walks readers through the steps to FEEL your true worth. The first step of feeling self-worth is SELF-AWARENESS. You must be willing to see the real you before you can make change and heal. Self-awareness involves seeing who you are with other people, too – or how you are. Seeing strengths and weaknesses. Step two is SELF-ACCEPTANCE! This is the toughest part for most of us. It requires life-long work. When we can say, “I’m good at ___ and not so good at ___,” that’s self-acceptance. We see we all have strengths and weakness! It’s OK! We learn to accept the good, the bad, the ugly and the exceptional!! That is self-acceptance and a huge part of self-worth! Finally, we practice SELF-LOVE by doing kind things for yourself (a break, nap!) and having compassion when you make a mistake.
Q: I like the sound of flourishing! How do we flourish in life and love?
A: Flourishing means we are working to be “better than better!” There is life – and love – after loss! When we work to BECOME – to feel and embrace our true worth – we believe in ourselves and we then can seek to flourish! Flourish by having a mission statement, living with vision, following the golden rule and seeking to live with meaning and purpose. Let love in! Don’t push it away, and let God love you, too. Believe in YOU!
Q: What is the one thing you hope people really take away from this book?
What I want people to take from Who Am I Without You? is that you’re not alone, with help you can and will overcome, become and flourish! I forgot to mention there are exercises and tools at the end of every chapter to help you apply what’s taught and GROW!
The 30Second Mom community had lots to say and words of wisdom of their own during the Twitter chat. Here’s some of what was shared!
“Love this topic! If women put their breakup sadness to good, we’d rule the world!” – @Git_Mom
“I love the title of the book. I always tell people they have to know who they are independent of the relationship. If you’re only identity is in the relationship, you lose yourself if it ends, and you know what you have to offer.” – @kimnelson111
“I tell my girls they have to be whole by themselves first, then they can be whole with someone else! So important to understand the baggage you collect in a relationship, to be aware what you might carry to the next. Take a moment to think about what you learned from the experience!” – @azmomofmanyhats
“This is great that the book ‘walks’ us through the emotions! This book would make a perfect gift for someone who is losing hope!” – @n210ss_ja
“You want to make it work, but sometimes the best thing is to walk away and begin again. I think a lot of people want closure, but you have to accept it when you can’t get it.” – @rychepet
“I love having friends for this reason, some of the gals here have become a lifeline for me. I just feel so good about this chat tonight. You all have made me smile tonight. You have to have rainy days to appreciate the sunny days, right?” – @kjh63
“Forgive yourself and those that hurt you. The more you live in the present, the more you can just be!” – @tweenspot