5 Ways to Validate Yourself & Tap Into Your Self-Worth (What I Learned From a Friend) by Stephanie Cannoe
Recently, a friend was struggling. From the outside, it appeared that she was trying to gain peace of mind, but misguidedly through external validation from others. Looking outside herself to validate her innate self-worth and not setting appropriate boundaries in doing so. Allowing other people’s negative opinions and standards to cause her to doubt her opinion of herself and her unique gifts and strengths and what she knows to be true.
I think we all do this at times. It's true that we're all growing and learning every day. We can learn from each other. This was a great conversation and an opportunity for me to reflect with greater clarity and wisdom. Helping to solidify what I’ve learned along the way.
Here’s what I believe...
We all have inherent worth, and If anyone gives you feedback with an unsupportive spirit – then they are not acting with your best interest at heart. Don't believe them! A strong ego is necessary to live a healthy and authentic life. You must protect your most authentic self. You know the difference between honest feedback and unsupportive criticism.
Stand up for yourself. Speak up when you need to. Most importantly honor your boundaries. You are your most sacred self.
Here are a few tips from TinyBudda.com that might help when you need a reminder and a lift:
- Make a "you" section in your daily gratitude journal. Assuming you have a daily gratitude journal, of course! Jot down the things you've done well and choices you're proud of. When you regularly praise yourself, self-validation becomes a habit.
- Before seeking external validation, ask yourself, "What do I hope that person tells me?" Then tell it to yourself. Most likely, you're looking for someone else to see you and believe in you. It is far more powerful if you believe in yourself.
- Recognize when you're judging your feelings. Practice self-compassion and acceptance and begin telling yourself, "I have the right to feel how I feel." Honor your feelings.
- See yourself as the parent to the child version of you. Picture your most vulnerable self who tried so hard to be loved and cherished and fill yourself with a genuine sense of nurturing.
- Get in the habit of asking yourself, "What do I need right now?" Whenever you address your needs, you reinforce to yourself that they are important and gain self-confidence and trust. This is validating yourself in action.
At the end of the day, peace of mind is what you tell yourself when you look in the mirror – that's what counts the most!
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