How to Talk to Kids: 4 Reasons Why Your Child Isn't Listening to You by Roma Khetarpal

2 years ago
How to Talk to Kids: 4 Reasons Why Your Child Isn't Listening to You

Certain words and phrases – even when spoken in a kind voice – trigger a negative emotion. So even though you are thinking positively and are using a positive tone of voice, the word choice creates a negative impression in your child’s mind. Here are some examples of words we commonly use that lead us to disconnection instead of connection:

  • “DON’T do this…”: We hear “don’t” and automatically get defensive.
  • You NEED to…”: When we say “you need to do this,” it’s like hearing “you don’t have a choice.”
  • “You NEVER…”: This sends the message that something (not listening, for example) is a repeated behavior, and therefore “you are a problem for me” or “you have a problem.”
  • “You ALWAYS...”: This sends a similar message to the one above.

Instead of the words above, why not say things like:

  • “What if we did it this way?”
  • “How about something like this?”
  • “Why don’t we find another option?”
  • “Let’s think about that.”

The next time you find yourself needing to change a behavior, think about the way you align your words to match your positive intentions and turn a challenging situation into a positive learning experience for your kids.

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Donna John
What great advice!!! This would work with adults as well. Roma Khetarpal
Elisa A. Schmitz 30Seconds
I was thinking the same thing, Donna John - great communication tips for kids and adults alike. Thank you, Roma Khetarpal ! Tools Of Growth
Mike Prochaska
It works.. well. Not sure about with teenagers but does with grade schoolers.
Chef Gigi Gaggero, Our 30Seconds Resident Chef
I love Adele Faber , Author of, “How to Talk do kids will listen, and how to listen so kids will talk! “
I used her method of close-ended choices to raise my children. It really works!

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